Green's Hill-Amy Lane's Home - News

Monday, August 22, 2016

Awards I've Earned

Tonight I was sitting at my desk, editing, when Mate asked me if I had a highlighter.

Of course I had a highlighter... I mean... I had a highlighter, right? I had an entire plastic drawer set full of office supplies, there had to be a highlighter in there SOMEWHERE, right?

Well, I dug through the drawers and realized that I was up for some sort of award for Hoarder of Office Supplies--with some more rummaging (and the discovery of a pink highlighter, go me!) I decided I had won in the category of Hoarder of Office Supplies, with a gold medal in Sharpies and a silver in Child-sized Scissors.  

Save your applause for later, folks--that's only the beginning of the awards I give myself today!

*  I won a gold in getting my kid to school on time. The reason it's a gold is because this may be the only time I get her to school before the bell for the rest of the year.

*  I won a gold in begging the vet tech to chop up Geoffie's Benadryl into quarters, because... *flails* who can actually cut up a pill like that without crumbling it!

*  I won silver in putting on the poky bra without whining. It would have been a gold but I got points off for wadding kleenex under the strap when I was at the gym and had no other bras to wear.

*  I won a gold medal in my favorite event--determining What the hell is that smell and What to do about it, when I nailed the cat crap in the dog bed which was not anywhere near my line of sight at the time. Even Mate was impressed.

*  I win some sort of award for not using my phone as a rock to kick in the road after it died on me for the umpteenth time and then refused to start.

*  I win a bronze in having dinner ready for my husband when he got home. It would have been a gold if it hadn't been ready made salad with heated pre-cooked chicken on the top.

*  I win a silver in spreading the joy for sending my husband a blog post about the woman who pooped her closet. It would have been a gold, but since I looked up the article to show my editor why I was using the expression, "The dog pooped the house", I got points taken away for self-interest.

*  I win a gold-- that's GOLD--for coming home and functioning damned close to normal after a business trip. 

*  And I'm about to win a platinum for sleeping!

What awards have YOU won today?

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Ah... home.

My phone is not doing me any favors atm--

But I DID issue proof on social media that not only am I home, I have also texted people and let them know.

I feel sufficiently arrived, right?


Fun things!

* I bought T--shirts for the entire family, and then, on the plane, I had a sudden freak out that everybody already HAD the T-shirt I bought, and THAT was why the ones I bought seemed so perfect for everybody.  Fortunately this was not the case--but it would be a great "Mom's so dorky!" story!

* I also got the kid dragons in bottles to wear as necklaces. These were a great hit!

*  Today, Kansas City was GORGEOUS. It was literally pretty enough for me to drop any previous grudges for bad weather and allergies and admit I really like KC. Of course, then I had to leave it.

*  The trip a joy, actually. I shall never fly American again if I can help it--United has made my life too happy when I fly them.

*  I got Mate and I matching rings. Well, the one I got seven years ago-- a surgical steel Claddagh ring--lasted this long. I figured matching copper rings would be just as legit as wedding rings, since we both got too fat for our old ones. (Me more than him.)

*  Geoffie is having some sort of allergic reaction. First thing tomorrow I'm taking her to the vets, because BABY!

*  I am ready to start the whole school/work thing again. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. I'm home, the kids are in school and everybody's ready to begin a new year.

It's a good thing!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Co-ordinating outfits

So, through an oversight on my part, today was the first day of school-- and I was at World Con.

I was sort of bummed about this-- but Mate did an awesome job taking pictures for me, and the kids picked their outfits out very nicely.

Zoomboy is wearing a cat taking over the world shirt, bought for him by his grandparents to make up for the fact that he's the only one who didn't have a shirt with a cat like this, and he missed it.  He is also wearing day glow shorts from last year, because nothing tops that much orange.

Squish is wearing pink capris and a blue fringe shirt, with a co-ordinating comb that my friend Rhae made for her, to match her lovely, amazing blanket. She was very pleased with her ensemble, and also pleased that her teacher is the tallest grownup at the school. A good day all around.

And Mom-- Mom is wearing one of her favorite convention shirts coupled with black stretchy pants, with a coordinating convention badge and a Honeydew Martini.  While it's not what all conventioneers should wear, Mom is pleased with it because A. She never coordinates this good with anything, and B. Martini.

Also, I got to shake Robert Silverberg's hand today.  I've revered him since Tower of Glass. 

More tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

And today I...

Took the dogs for coffee and sausage.

Took a walk.

Finished an edit.

Wrote a little.

Did some laundry.


Kicked the cat out of my suitcase. Twice.

Argued with cat thusly:

"You can't go!"
"It's not a cat thing, I just only have one ticket."
 "I will end you."
 "Get the fuck out of my suitcase!"
"Is that what this is? Scuse me while I knead your favorite clothes. And some more."
"Otherwise known as the sweater that travels."
"Get OUT!"
And so on.

When this was done I...

Took the small dog to re-do her grooming.

Talked to Cedar and Melissa at the vets office, whom you will meet in Freckles, my Christmas story this year.

Took the small dog home.

Took the kids to go get mani-pedis.

The mani-pedi people were busy, so I only got a pedi. And eyebrows. Definitely eyebrows.

Zoomboy got sparkles on his toes. Squish got sparkles on his fingers. We all got pomegranate sodas. Then I bought some yarn!

Took the kids home for soccer.

Tried to get some work done.

Went grocery shopping so the family wouldn't starve while I was away this week.

Came home and unloaded the car.

Went back to the grocery store and got cat food and laundry detergent because I forgot.

Came home and ate sandwiches and prepped the kids for the fact that I'd be gone.

Wrote a list for Wednesday and Thursday night since I won't be here.

Packed some more.

Found a  computer case. Washed and dried it.

Packed some more.

Sat at computer and thought, "OH, hey, maybe I can work... except it's 12:00."

Looked up flight info for tomorrow.

Kansas City, I'll arrive around 5:03 P.M.!

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The East Coast Girls Are Hip...

Okay, for starters, Tart and Sweet is now available for pre-sale from Amazon and ARe, so that's exciting! 

Also exciting is that Monday's aqua teacher, charmed by our willingness to sing California Girls at the top of our lungs when her boombox quit, actually loaded the song for cool down today. *beams* She did that just for us. I love it when that happens. (And yes, we all sang along. It was AWESOME.)

And other than that, our big excitement was that Geoffie got groomed today. It was sort of cute, actually, because all of the neighbors who saw me walking just Johnnie enquired after her health. "Oh, is she okay? I hope so! We love her!"

I'm thinking, "I did not know incessant yapping was a sign of affection, but I'll take it!"

It's sad that she was missed, but even worse, she has to go back tomorrow.

Because the thing about grooming is that the whole reason we do it is because... *flails*  Look at this face! It's all hair!  And they asked us if we wanted the "teddy bear" cut, and I said yes, as long as her mustache and beard were REALLY SHORT, because otherwise she gets stickers in them.

And when we went to pick her up, the kids collected her while I paid, and I didn't get to see her for real until we were halfway out the door, and I realized, "Oh my God--she has a fu manchu mustache!"

So, you all know I don't send steak back. Or correct my order, even if it's wrong. Or tell people they're mistaken even though I know damned well they couldn't get their facts straight if someone gave them a peg board and a ruler.

Yes-- me.

I called up the groomers and asked them if they could fix her hair cut.

On the one hand, I'm mortified.

I don't even go back if I don't like my OWN haircut.

On the other hand?

I don't have to fish stickers out of my hair either, so it will be totally worth it.

I hope.

I really hope Geoffie thinks so.  I'm not really sure how she feels about the groomers--she always gets a really nice report card about being a good, friendly, obedient (seriously!) dog.

But either way, she's going back. Because she's got more facial hair than Mate, and you just don't pay for someone to groom your dog so you can say that in the same sentence.

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Oh, didn't I mention?

*  I'm going to be in Kansas City this next week for World-Con!  I'll be at the DSPP booth, Th-Sun,  if anyone wants to say hi, let me know!  (I'm so excited about this--it's not my usual venue, but sci-fi/fantasy was my first love, and I'm still infatuated!)

*  Unfortunately, when I made the date for World-Con, I thought the kids started school THIS week. I was really depressed when I realized I wouldn't be there for their first day of 8th and 5th grade. So if you see me Tweeting of FBing pictures, it's because Mate is THE BEST Mate, and he has taken pictures of me, and I'll be mourning that I couldn't do Squish's hair special or give Zoomboy his early morning hug.

*  I will also be at Yaoi-Con in September, and I'm waxing a little nostalgic. The first time I went--in 2010-- I was reeling. You can read my post HERE but what it DOESN'T say (because I was prohibited by law from discussing it) was that less than two weeks earlier, I'd been pulled out of my classroom for giving a kid a copy of Litha's Constant Whim and Truth in the Dark. I've talked about the matter a few times, of course, but I'm not sure if I ever mentioned how nervous I was.

I was just starting out then--I'd been with Dreamspinner Press for a year, and in my wildest dreams I couldn't have imagined where it would take me. And I was meeting people who have been my staunchest friends for the last six years.

It's good to remember, sometimes, where you've been and how far you've come, and how grateful you are to people who were kind to you when you didn't even know it was a thing.

And there you go!

I'm back to writing (because I've got a series of back to back deadlines!) and I'm excited and scared, because some of it is stuff I've never tried before--or haven't done in a while.

So that's me--always stretching boundaries, and always looking to the future.  But also grateful to the Past.

*  Oh yeah-- did I mention this was coming out September 5th? It's the last Candy Man Book--but I think you'll like where the series ends.  Hopefully it's in a place where you can imagine all our guys in the perfect HEA.

Tart and Sweet

A Candy Man Book

In the Army, Robbie Chambers turned on his lover out of fear—and he hasn’t been able to live with himself since. Now he’s out of the Army but still trapped in the closet that brought on his most cowardly moment, and he starts to think he’ll never be able to fight his way free.

Until he sees Cy McVeigh. Beautiful and uninhibited, Cy is dancing on the boardwalk at Old Sac for no other reason than the moment called for it. Robbie not only joins in the dance but is smitten from the very beginning.

However, Robbie still has old business to clear up, and when he helps out a kid in need and comes face-to-face with the man he betrayed, he’s forced to come clean with himself. He can’t redeem his mistake if he’s still locked into his old patterns, and he won’t ever be worthy of Cy if he can’t earn Adam’s forgiveness. He’s going to need all the help he can get from the people at Candy Heaven in order to make things right with his past so he can have a future with Cy.

* And that's it for tonight, folks!  Tuesday might be my last blog for a little bit but I'll try to keep you posted!

Friday, August 12, 2016

Because Porn?

So, I did not start Bobby Green as I'd planned--but I am eyeballs deep in a sooper sekrit brand new urban fantasy that I shall maybe discuss later.

However, I do plan to start Bobby Green sometime, and I seem to have cancelled my porn subscription for reasons like time and money.

And I noticed that Sean Cody had a sort of sale.

So I signed up for porn.

Except the porn subscription thing double billed me, and I called up customer service to fix it, and then a thing happened, and another thing, and a "You could get three months for $39!" thing and a "Except my bank card now thinks somebody else is ordering porn because, why would I need it I am almost ancient and sexless!" and suddenly?

I had to call my bank and get embarrassingly personal.

"Well, uh, cause I'm a writer, and I was ordering porn, and I got double-billed and the bank card and the thing and I said fuck it, I can watch porn later on something that will give my computer the clap like everybody else!"

And then-- I shit you not--the nice lady on the other end of the line made a suspicious noise.

"I am NOT laughing!" she insisted.

"You are too," I said. "That's okay. You do not hurt my feelings."

"Good," she said, busting out. "Because that's something I would do."

So she understood.

But then I had to text my husband, because he'd gotten the message from Wells Fargo that his wife--who had been sitting home all day-- had somehow used her bank card in a way that needed a hold.

"What did you do?"

"Well, I cancelled my Corbin Fisher subscription and I thought I'd try Sean Cody, but the thing went blargh and I'm on it. I called the bank and took the hold off. The bank lady thought I was hysterical."

To which he replied, "Good. So did I."  And then, a little later, he texted, "So did all of the people I was having lunch with, too."

And all in all, I seem to have made many people happy today.

I hope I made you happy too.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Yarn Ends

*  I have converted another knitter to the fold.    "I seem to be an addict," she told me on Twitter.  And her husband chimed in asking if there was a cure.

I told this to Mate, and he started laughing. Only a little hysterically, why do you ask?

"You need to tell Martin to start building shelves and set aside the money right now, because he's doomed."

*  I was playing the "Ask questions" Simon Says with the kids in the pool today.

"Simon says, 'Run in place and tell me what your least favorite chore is... Zoomboy!'"

To which Zoomboy responded, "Anything that starts with 'What the hell is that smell!'"

And Squish nodded. "That thing he said--I don't like that one either."

*  Last night, I was getting to bed around 2:30, and as I climbed into bed, I heard Steve bitching, "Let me in! I didn't mean it! I really want to be in!"

So I get up to let her in, and then realize she's out of food, and then I feed the dogs and then there's water, and by the time I got back into bed it was 2:45 and I was a little energized from feeding and watering everybody at dark-fuckin'-thirty.

So I figured I'd lay there and think about my story for a minute, ponder the next move, what will I write about tomorrow.

I sort of forgot... I'm writing urban fantasy at the moment. There's ghosts. Lots and lots of ghosts.

I started sleep plotting for a minute, and then I remembered the ghosts, and then I heard every crick and every breath in the damned house and then it was 3 a.m. and I was like THIS:


Damned writer's imagination.

And it doesn't look like it'll be much more fun tonight.


This is why people watch porn to get to bed. Unless it's zombie porn and shit is falling off, it is all the good things, and there's always a happy ending.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Damned Chicken

I signed a contract for Bonfires this last week, a story I sort of adore, and I put a thing in that book that I got from real life.

My stepmom and my dad got chickens again in the past couple of years. They like the funky breeds with the feathers all over their eyes, the ones who look like Albert Einstein and Bach. (They had one they called Bach for years... you know, like the sound a chicken makes? Puns!)  But the reason they went and got more after their last batch died out had to do with innovation.

Seems there's a thing now that closes chicken coop doors when the sun sets and opens them when it rises.

This is INGENIOUS because chickens naturally go into the coop in the evening and come out on their own in the morning. Most predators attack at night, so having a door that closes automatically keeps the chickens safe, but it means you don't have to, say, hire a dumb kid to open and close your chicken door when you leave the house for a couple of days. Make sure they have food and water taken care of, and the chickens will be perfectly safe.

Anyway-- stepmom and dad have chickens.

And this morning, at around 8:30 (when I got into bed at 2) my phone went off. 

I flailed around the bed for it--turns out, Mate put it above the window, so by the time I found it, the caller had hung up and now I was a little awake, and a lot confused.

Was mom-- she wanted to take the kids clothes shopping (oh blessed, blessed stepmom and dad--I adore them so!!!)

We chatted for a few minutes, and I was given explicit instructions. Make sure the kids cleaned their rooms and went through their clothes. They needed to get rid of a lot of them so they could find their new ones. I was made to institute room cleaning procedures, STAT which I wasn't ready for, because I have three edits on my desk and an Aug 31st deadline and a con next week, and a burning need to get my toes done and re-touch my roots. (And do some of the laundry from RWA.  Go figure.)


So, not going back to bed any time soon, but as the conversation was winding down, there was a moment that made it all worth it.

My stepmom (who had been outside doing stuff while I'd been trying to find my pants) said, "I gotta go. My chicken is thinking about crossing the road. Charlie, dammit, get back here!"

And then she hung up.

And I was left with "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"To get out of cleaning it's room and going back to school?"

And that was how I woke up.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

California Girls--Take 2

So, back in the pool again for three!

1.  Today the instructor's radio went out toward the end. We stretched in silence for a moment, and she said rather forlornly, "Last time, you guys sang California Girls."  (Yes, that was me. I did that.) So some of the pool--who had not been there-- laughed, and I thought, "Well hell."

"The East Coast girls are hip..."

We made it through the whole song ;-)

2.  Squish and Zoomboy came to swim with me today (I keep getting them out of the house by saying, "Remember, you start school next week, and you'll SO WISH you could go swimming!) Today we played Simon Says, but I'd been having so much fun talking to them prior that I made it, "Simon says run in place and tell me your favorite after school cartoon--Squish!" (Or Zoomboy!)

I thought of as many fun questions as I could, and it was possibly the most fun we'd ever had at Simon Says--and we now have a new game :-)

3. On Friday, our aqua instructor is Ayla, and she's got a rather pixilated sense of humor. I know this. I do my best to encourage it.

She was telling us to exercise our thighs. "That there is your ham hock, ladies--make sure it's strong and tasty!"

Some of the ladies laughed, and I chirped up with, "When the aliens come down for us, I'm gonna be a DELICACY!"

Watching her crack up was one of my favorite things.

Oh-- and socks!

I finished these up so I could send them with the poncho, and I love them. I particularly love the reverse striping-- I worked them both at the same time, one from the middle of the skein and one from the end of it, on the giant magic loop. I only had to break the yarn once because of a giant tangle, and I was so pleased that the striping pattern didn't really get interupted-- it's as close as I ever get, so there.

But I was thinking, as I sent them off, about how awesome it is to make something and give it--or just to give something. I sent another friend yarn today, because she's not feeling great, and she's stuck on her back and I wanted her to have something bright to work with.

And it just IS wonderful. I love getting gifts--I always have. I'm like a little kid that way.  But I love giving them too-- and sometimes the giving is the best. Because the people in your life are so wonderful, you want them to have something, some small token, that shows them how much they give to you every day.

And that's all I've got. It's just awesome to give.  Not profound--just is.